There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

Oh yes, you guessed it... it's THAT time... time for me to vent a little more about the "men" (<---- bahaha, right.) in my life...

Saturday night I was supposed to go on a date with ... a very nice (albeit sometimes a little bit grinding, overly attentive and smothering young man).

Saturday morning I woke up and the first thought I had was

CHOCOLATE IV NOW or someone... dies.



I soon realized that I was in no state go on a date. The stress of knowing I had to go out, be pleasant, laugh at jokes that might not be funny, and smile incessantly was just TOO MUCH.

I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it.

I called and cancelled.

Conversation:

ME: Hey. I just wanted to call and let you know that I woke up feeling sick this morning, and I 'm not up for going out tonight.

HIM: Oh. Well sure that's fine. I hope you feel better.

ME: Yeah thanks, have fun tonight. Thanks again for the invite.

HIM: Okay, bye.


Did I mention that this kid is my FHE co-group leader... awkward.

Sunday evening roles around and I text him. Below is a transcript of our actual texting conversation.

ME: Hey! Hope dancing was fun last night. I was wondering if you wanna have FHE tomorrow since it's a holiday?

HIM: I think we should not have FHE tomorrow unless you want to. And probably there will be only you and me.

ME: Okay. Let's not worry about it then. How was dancing?

HIM: It was better than the week before. If you like to go dancing, I will give you the address of the place. Just tired of being hung on the tree.

ME: Well I apologize for having to cancel. But I wasn't feeling very well and physically wasn't up to it.

HIM: Hope you feel better! And I don't ask for an apology. You don't need to feel bad. It's just the way it is.

Okay, let's talk about this...

First of all ... hung on the tree? What does that even mean? Let's just roll with it.

Hung on a tree? Who are you kidding? I canceled on you ONE time. ONE time, you self-centered, self-conscious, thumb sucking, androcentric, momma's boy!

I have not led you on in any way, shape, or form ever. I NEVER text you except for when it has to do with FHE and I've hung out with you ONCE before (and I paid for myself). And might I add that the only reason that I hung out with you that one time is because you would NOT leave me alone about hanging out so finally I just gave up and went dancing with you.


AND "It's just the way it is?" I was sick... can you deal with the fact that maybe someone else had needs that didn't mesh with your own? No? Yeah I didn't think you could handle that either.

Did you think that there was something going on between us? The inner workings of your mind are truly fascinating.

If you're up a tree, it's because you climbed it yourself.

Second: ...wait, I need to show you the rest of the text messages before I move on to my second point.

Later Sunday night...

HIM: Can I have my big book back [he brought a book of comics over to my house during one FHE and then left it there for me to read--I didn't want it but let him leave it anyways]? If you can just leave it outside the door, it would be great (<----WHAT?). I will pick it up in a few minutes. Thanks!

ME: I'm not home.

HIM: Alright, just leave it at your door and text me when you are home. Thank you!

ME: I don't know if I'll be home tonight.

HIM: Then, I will stop by tomorrow.

Monday roles around

HIM: Hi, are you home?

ME: No, I'm at school working.

HIM: Thanks, when you are home, please text me. (<---- bahahaha. funny.)

HIM: (11:51 pm) May I pick up my book? I am sorry for the inconvenient. I promise that I will not make you worry again. (Who's worried?)

Tuesday roles around:

I'm sitting at home watching a movie after a long day at school in a mud mask munching on carrots and hummus.

*Knock at the door.*

I don't answer it.

Later that night he stops by; this time I answer the door. I give him the book and try to be friendly. He is icy cold and just flat out rude.

An hour later...

HIM: Thanks for returning the book to me. I know that I may treat you not the way I should. I am sorry. I am not mad at you at all, just disappointed. Hope you have fun!

Okay now... second: You don't need an apology; you're not mad? Really. So, you just like to emotionally punish people for no reason at all?

You are acting like a three year old, and I guess that's to be expected since you're about three feet tall.

Who do you think you are? You admit to being a jerk and say that you're not mad in the same sentence. Incredible.

Grow up.

But thank you. Thank you for helping me realize that I have been self-deprecating in my dating philosophies up to this point.

And one more thing...

In the last few days I figured something out... Saturday morning... maybe it wasn't pms ... maybe (!) it was you.